2 Points Today:
- Want beats should, but need beats all
- Maslow was wrong
In seeking to provide aid to someone, influence, serve, or teach them, you can appeal to 3 things: their obligations or “shoulds,” their wants and desires, or their needs.
In general, want beats should, and need beats want. (Of course, therefore, need beats should.)
What drives a person at any particular time?
Social norms and obligations are constantly swirling about us, changing, ebbing, and recurring. Desires can pierce the moment or linger, dull and ambient. Needs can be hazy, inaccurate, and re-prioritize themselves as we go.
How about a mix.
A restaurant customer sitting at a table is directed and motivated by all 3: 1) attuning to the social and cultural norms of the restaurant as well as the group at their table, 2) personal preference and excitement, and 3) pure drive of thirst, hunger, and a trip to the bathroom.
Also, the 3 can overlap. What’s more important, pure individual survival needs, or social needs of caretaking and meeting social obligations to the fam/tribe?
What would your last wish be, a tender hug or a chewy chocolate chip cookie?
If push came to shove, would you sacrifice your life for others?
Maslow was wrong. We often put our social selves above our physical selves. Love is a need that can supersede all other needs, wants, and shoulds.
Seem like a scribbled mess of wants, needs, and shoulds?
Watch for the need behind the should, and listen for the need inside the want. Core needs are the most powerful drivers.
Belonging is one.
Survival is one.
God (if you have one) is one.
Not necessarily in that order.
Judith Roberts says
Science bears this out. During the pandemic researchers told us that social onnetedness is right up there with sleep, water, oxygen and food. Top 5!
Thanks ma! 🙂
Judith Roberts says
I would go one step further in discussing human connectedness . The concept of interdependence.
On a global scale, it can be understood as the way to halt climate change. If we all agree to halt the destruction of the planet , together we can interdepently save the planet for all our grandchildren and the frogs. Also we learned from the pandemic, if I wear my mask, wash my hands and stay 6 feet apart, I am protecting you and myself at the same time. Interdependence on the micro scale if I practice love, maybe you will too and we will all be buoyed up. It’s a crowded planet, we have to all step up together to make a better world together.